Advice for coming out of a long-term relationship / divorce.
Unfortunately, this is a very common request that I have to address for many of my patients over the years as their gynecologist and cosmetic surgeon.
The emotional trauma in breaking up is real and painful, frequently causing self-doubt and insecurity. I have found over time and many patients that channeling ones emotional and physical energy for positive objectives is the best means to get one out of the despair and insecurity resulting from the breakup.
I have coached many women through transitions in life – change in relationships, loss of companionship, menopause, or aging. Doing something positive for self-improvement will always work in all these transitions, especially with breaking up. What are things that one can and should do?
The most helpful thing that I would advise is for one to increase activities, especially outdoor activities. You don’t need to get into hardcore exercise. Walking, biking, running, or hiking on a regular bases – three times a week will do. Getting outdoors and exercising will improve your mood, give you better perspective in life, keep you fit, and help to maintain or even reduce your weight.
While you might want to just pamper yourself with a vacation, spa treatment, or a new car, I have found that doing something that will give you a more long lasting and measurable effect will be most helpful. You want to improve your image, for yourself. You add things that you have always wanted or subtract things that have always bothered you. It can be as simple as getting a new hair style or color that you have wanted but were afraid to try, or getting rid of a tattoo that you don’t like – your ex’s name, for example. It works wonders.
There are cosmetic procedures that one can certainly do to add or subtract. From my professional experience though, I must admit that correcting or improving the most intimate aspect of your life will have the most profound impact to improve your self-image. This is a sensitive topic that you might not want to talk to anyone about, including your doctor or best friend. I want to talk about this so you know that it is a real issue and it can be addressed. With a breakup, hopefully you want to seek a new and better relationship. If you have been in a relationship for a long time until the change, you might wonder how you will fare with a new partner, especially during intimacy. Of course, intimacy is definitely not everything, but it certainly is an integral part of a healthy relationship. You might wonder if the childbirth and aging process have changed how you look and feel in your inmate area. I have seen so many women with that insecurity to the point of affecting their desire for a relationship. Most likely you are fine, but if you have concerns, address them and move forward. Those concerns can be mostly addressed with simple solutions. Talk to a physician experienced in intimacy function and aesthetics about your concerns.
Michael Lau, MD, FACS, FACOG
